Beautiful Pieces – 4 years…

On top of the hill by the water – nothing but the best for you mum…We love you and miss you with all of our hearts – 4 years still feels like yesterday and probably always will. Xxxxx t ??❤️??

 

Your goodbye day
will always be
that heartbreakingly
hard day ~ where
everything else
fades away
& all that remains
is your smile,
your kindness,
your love
& all the beautiful
pieces that we
remember about you… © June 18 .17

‘Beautiful Pieces’

   

 

Life is too short to wait…

Today a very beautiful friend of mine had an awful car accident. The car is gone, but thankfully, she is not. The last l heard she was having some scans run in hospital – but fingers crossed all is ok.
Ive just read another girlfriends post where she saw a homeless man with positive energy – she assumed he might be homeless, only because he had bags strapped to his wheelchair. She left $20 at the counter and said whatever he wants ‘this’ is his. The next evening she was told that he was hit and killed not 5 hrs later crossing the street as someone was trying to run the light and he couldn’t cross fast enough.

These are the stories that keep me pushing boundaries and living as if my life could end in the blink of an eye – because it can…
We all know it, seen it and have felt it…

So what are YOU waiting for? Are you living the life that you want? Are you planting seeds and taking micro steps towards an open heart and an authentic life? Are you being honest to yourself and others that are dear to you?
Yes, its such a fine line, to stop and smell the flowers along the side of the road along with hard work that you are passionate for or curious about. Its just a matter of checking in each day.
If you are living the life that your soul truly desires, then hard work every day is merely a privilege, a joy, an incredible process that enriches your life and many others…

Life is WAY too short to wait for anything or anyone – take your own hand and don’t even wait for tomorrow, please, with all of my heart, start right now!
Much love and light always, tx

Today’s the Day…

August 11th 2016 ~ Today I’ve realized 2 things I’m very proud of…

In almost 3 years I’ve only bought one piece of clothing (minus underwear) until a few days ago ~ focusing on feeding every penny back into my Soul Stories vision…
So the second piece of clothing I’ve purchased happens to be my first ever pair of sports skins (thanks for your amazing help @lululemonausnz in Chadston).Today's the Day
Kinda hard to believe considering all of the dance, yoga & training l’ve taken part of during the last 30 odd years. Overcoming a huge hurdle & pushing through fears of not feeling good in tight pants/leggin’s… We all have ‘our stuff’ and body image has been an ongoing struggle in my world. For some reason or another l’ve alway been super self conscious in fitted clothes, hugging me in what I consider the wrong places…


Anyways – today is one of those days where I’m stepping up and practicing what l preach to all of you amazing souls out there.
Be brave and believe ~ you are enough!!!
Because you are all freaking AMAZING – me included… ☺️??❤️?? 

much love and light always xxx t

A Heart like Grandmas

This is going to one of those beautiful yet a little bit heartbreaking stories – one of my personal Soul Stories with no great meaning other than l simply want to share it with you all…

A few weeks ago, towards the end of my day at the Victorian Art Centre Market, l noticed a lovely elderly lady on her own, taking time to read some of my gift cards. I pretended l was busy, sketching away in my own little world, but l was secretly watching her read each story very carefully…  Finally l wandered over and asked her if she needed any help? When she looked up from reading, there was something about her big round watery eyes that reminded me of my Grandma.

With her gentle glance, it was as though she had the ability to stare straight into my heart and read all of my secret stories within seconds… With a kind voice and similar accent to my German Grandma, she said something like, “Oh, dear girl, you are very beautiful inside, so kind to have all of these feelings and stories. You have a good soul, just beautiful – you feel so much…”

I was lost for words. l just stood there staring at her, struggling to find my voice and when l did, my eyes were glassy, heart  full of emotion and all l could manage to squeak out was, “Thank you, you’re going to make me cry…”

A Heart like GrandmasWe exchanged a few more words and then she told me that she would love to buy a framed Soul Stories piece but she was walking and wouldn’t be able to carry it. With trembling words, she also explained that she had lost her ‘cheri’ 6 weeks ago and struggled to fill her days with different things to do…

By that stage l was feeling like someone had reached into my chest, scooped out my heart and just tossed it away. So l ran over to my ~l dream of jeanne~ bag and pulled out an envelope and said to her, “How would you like come to the ‘Mind Body Spirit Festival’ next weekend? This ticket will get you in for free!” Her eyes lit up immediately and she couldn’t stop thanking me over and over again.

“Now l have something to do for the next weekend and l don’t have to think about it, thank you, thank you. And thank you for this free ticket, because l went to the Italian Food and Wine Festival a few weeks ago, and when l got to the door they told me that a ticket costs $75 and well, l don’t have that money, so l had to walk away… So thank you so very much for this…” In truth it sounded more like ‘Sank you, sank you’ with the adorable German accent… just like my Grandma’s.

There were so many more heartwarming pieces to our conversation, but from the snippets l have retold, it’s easy to understand her beautiful soul. By the end of her stories, she promised to find me again and waved goodbye with a huge smile on her face ~ whereas l had to reach for my sunglasses to hide my teary eyes and heartache…

I couldn’t stop thinking about her. I didn’t even know her name – yet l kept returning to this moment, this random meeting and replaying her stories in my mind. I just felt for her so much and tried to imagine what life would be like for her now.

For so many years she had been doing everything with someone else, every single day and that’s all she knew. Now, at 70 years or so, she had to relearn who she was and really work hard to create little things for herself to do each day, just to fill in time that felt forever without him…

A Heart like Grandma'sBy the time ‘Mind Body Spirit Festival’ rolled around, l was flat out, stressed out and pretty much freaking out! I had thought about her prior to installing, wondering if she would have the courage to come by. But because it was my premiere event and was fully concentrated of being present in each moment, I had forgotten about her until l heard a familiar voice (again like my Grandma) say, “Oh, there you are…” 

I looked up to see big watery eyes staring back at me, filled with love and so much gratitude. “I almost didn’t find you,” she said with relief, “lve been looking and looking and almost gave up, and now l am so happy to find you…”  

Ahhh, l was so thrilled that she had found her way to the Festival! l learnt that she had a wonderful day, not to mention the odd 20 more ‘sank yous’ l received

After she told all of my customers how amazing l was (yes l was bright red by this stage and seriously embarrassed), she then told me that she HAD to buy something! I tried to argue with her, but she wasn’t having any of it. So l told her that she couldn’t buy anything unless we had a photo together!!!!

She tried to argue with me, but no chance – as you can see, l won!! 

I experienced so many wonderful moments during the ‘Mind Body Spirit Festival’, but this particular moment was golden and l will always hold this story close to my heart. Shame on me, l still don’t know this beautiful lady’s name, but l do know that she will never be forgotten. Thank you beautiful lady with a heart like my Grandmas, thank you for sharing your heartbreakingly beautiful story with me and for allowing me to fill your weekend with a little extra light and joy. I hope you are finding new and wonderful things to do ~  and that each day passes a little easier and a little richer with stories like these… xxt

Dreamy Eisteddfod Days…

Since returning to Oz, lve been slowing building up my resume of adjudicating at different dance competitions ~ and l’ve just completed my longest Eisteddfod ever, 8 days in a row! I knew before hand that it was going to be quite an intense week, requiring my full attention 24/7, and rather mentally challenging – but what l totally wasn’t prepared for was the emotional side, heartstrings being tugged on and many fond memories rising to the surface…

Dreamy Eisteddfod Days...Towards the end of a incredible inspiring week of watching wonderful dancers and hanging out with the friendly committee ~ I was also unconsciously taking in the the tiny moments caught between mother and daughter(s)…

After everything had come to a beautiful closing, it wasn’t until l returned home and woke up the next morning that memories exploded through my body and tears trickled down my face…

How lucky these girls and boys were to have such incredible parents to spend so much time, energy and love on them during these early and sometimes very long days… Which of course brought my thoughts back to mum…

Dreamy Eisteddfod Days...My sister and l used to spend EVERY school holidays at different Eisteddfods. Mum would carefully make all of our beautiful costume, which was super boring to try on 50 times to get it right. Always doing our hair and makeup until we were old enough to figure it out ourselves. I was often nervous and wanting a LONG time to warm up, so we would arrive at the theatre WAY earlier than was probably necessary… And then she would sit there and watch us get ready, loving every second of it before wandering out into the auditorium and watch her girls perform like a proud mama goose.

She was never a ballet mum, she had no idea what was right and wrong, other than her girls were happy when they were dancing and they looked beautiful on stage…

We all had so much crazy fun back then… Dreamy Eisteddfod Days...
Spending time with my wonderful ballet teacher Miss Sue, hanging with fellow friends & other dancers ~ especially the ones you idolised!! Winning a place was so important back then – and now all l can think of is that l hoped l showed mum enough gratitude and love for all that she did for us?
Did l? Did we?
I hope so…
These memories are like gold dust, sprinkled throughout my soul. I wish l could have passed on more knowledge to the dancers in this respect, but l’m sure l would have ended up a blubbering mess, so maybe some of them can read my heartfelt words instead.

Take time to spend with your mum or dad during these very special moments & be patient with them as they are with you. They love you and care for you deeply and just want to see you happy. Yes there are moments were you roll your eyes because you are embarrassed how proud they are at times – but it doesn’t matter, one day your will be 50 years old and they will still act exactly the same. Just relax & roll with it. Give them a big hug every now and then & tell them that you love them & are super grateful for all that they do…

Memories are such a funny thing…
I hope l thanked mum enough back then, for all that she did for us? If l didn’t then l’m saying it out loud a million times over & praying that she will still hear me from the clouds above…

Dancers out there, these Eisteddfod are absolutely precious – it’s not about the winning a place or not, but about the in-between moments, the breath between the hard choreography, thats where the real magic lays… These moments are the most priceless stories you will ever create & will shape you into the best person you can be ~ so please pause and remember to simply say thanks so much mum/dad…
One day, l’m sure you will be thanking me for this gentle reminder.

Much love & light, tx

Dreamy Eisteddfod Days...    Dreamy Eisteddfod Days... Dreamy Eisteddfod Days...

Daily Soul Stories…

 

You didn’t say goodbye
~ is the saddest story
that lays within my
black n’ blue heart…
February 8 .16

‘Black n’ Blue’

 

** In 4 words – what’s yours? Xx

‪#‎soulstories‬ ‪#‎dailypractice‬ ‪#‎sketch‬ ‪#‎journal‬ ‪#‎reflection‬ ‪#‎stories‬ ‪#‎art‬ ‪#‎artist‬‪#‎heartist‬ ‪#‎inspired‬ ‪#‎missyou‬ ‪#‎blacknblue‬ ‪#‎creative‬ ‪#‎sad‬ ‪#‎love‬

Paris my Love

My mind has been so far away today ~
and even further away on my solitary 2.5hr drive home from Mt Eliza… Almost 8 years of pictures, people, memories and every kind of tender feeling of Paris saturated my head… I cant even begin to describe how emotionally attached I feel to this beautiful city.

Hearing about todays horrific events has left me in shock ~ pushing me to revisit the happiest period of my life along with the lowest that has left my heart broken beyond repair…
December 2013, I never wanted to leave Paris ~ but there are moments in your life where the unconscious signs of pebbles being thrown at your head become conscious, which by then have turned into boulders… That’s when you realize a shift in your world has to be made in order to move on, to start breathing again and focus on all the beauty this crazy ‘one shot’ life has to offer…

My heart is with you France, every inch of it!

 

My dear French friends and family,
l love you,
l pray for you,
l hope for you,
please,
don’t let this day harden your kindness…
You have such a wonderful city
that has captured the heart of so many
~ and always will…
We are with you xxx t

 

Let the good within our heart
create enough light
to guide us through
this darkness…  
© November 13 .15

‘Enough Light’

 

Not so selfish after all…

For the longest time l’ve always struggled to look in the mirror,
hoping to ‘not’ see the selfish person staring back at me…
WHAT? SELFISH?
Yes ‘selfish’, you heard right. So you may think l’m a little crazy with these thoughts, especially by the line of work that l do ~ but quietly, l’ve always lowered my head in shame, feeling that this ‘word’ is a massive part of my life. I feel like it’s been ingrained in my soul ever since l had the opportunity to leave my county home town at such a young age to pursue a career in dance. Since that day, l have always put my passion first…

Not So SelfishBut clearly l’ve had it wrong this entire time, as this word, this reflection, this guilt ~ has never truly stopped me from embracing my passion, working for as long as it takes, chasing my dreams and experiencing pure esctacy explode from my inside to out as a result…

I recently came across a beautiful post by
Elizabeth Gilbert.
I’m always tapping into her wonderful words of wisdom ~ but this piece in particular, had me in tears and finally feeling shackle free from this ‘selfish word’ that l have worked on every day to avoid and hoping it doesn’t show up on my forehead when l catch my reflection.

No longer will l feel bad for choosing to stay at home to cut out recycled cardboard instead of going out to a social event. Or driving home directly after an Art Market because of several deadlines instead of seeing a wonderful live show… This is the creative path that l choose, taking responsibility, fulfilling ‘my’ kind of dreams & being aware that l can’t have it all (for the moment)
~ so at the end of the day, l choose me…

Now it’s my time to thank ALL of the incredible people that l look up too! That they have chosen themselves and their ‘unselfish’ path. I am beyond grateful that they are living their dreams and the sacrifices they have made to be the inspiring souls they are today. Thank you, thank you, thank you ~ with all of my heart.
I wouldn’t think for less than a second that the world ‘selfish’ comes even close to touching their talents & true integrities.

And thank you Elizabeth Gilbert, for your incredible words that finally hit home ~ speaking directly into my heart at the right time… To read her gorgeous post, please click here

Oh, and incase your were wondering ~ that ‘selfish’ word, was never ingrained within my soul after all, it was merely written in pencil, so l was able to erase in a heartbeat with one of my hundreds of erasers lying around. Can’t believe how much lighter l feel! 😉 Take care & be nice to YOU, much love & light, tx

‘Nothing is permanent, everything is possible’ ~ tams

 

No Rhyme or Reason

Tired, but restless ~ can’t sleep…

ArmsTonight was one of those nights ~ the kind where l cuddled my cat and just cried… longing for only one pair of arms to wrap around me tight and tell me that
‘everything is going to be ok’.
But those arms are no longer with me ~ in the real, the flesh ~ where you feel skin on skin, comfort & warmth.

There’s normally know rhyme or reason why we sometimes lose our shit and cry ourselves dry. My guess is (speaking for myself) that it might have something to to do with having a continuous string of ‘not so hot’ Soul Stories markets over the last few wintery months. And after todays figures, well, that’s when the ‘WTF am l doing?’ kicked in.

I keep reminding myself that it’s not ALL about the figures on the day, but soooo much more about planting seeds and trusting the universe, and that certain souls will return when the time is right.

If ‘my’ today’s success was measured by the number of people that suddenly stopped in their tracks, to read, to reflect, to inhale in awe, to laugh, sigh, tear up and cry… Then without doubt, l was the richest soul there. And those are the very special moments that l hold close to my heart and let them keep pushing me forward when l feel like lm fumbling & falling over my ol’ dancer feet.

Just like anyone, l constantly doubt myself and wonder if l’m lucky enough, good enough, strong enough and smart enough to turn yet another passion into a sustainable career. For some silly human  reason, even when we have other ‘positive’ things going on in the background, we seem to focus on that one or two things that aren’t working quite right and let it define our incredible journey…

But let me tell you something absolutely true, even though today happened (yet again) and that l feel emotionally drained from it all  ~ l will continue to give all of my heart, my sweat, soul and tears before l EVER stop trying.
Every last breathe & dime will go into my passion, into Soul Stories ~ to help, to heal and to inspire those who truly need it and want to be reminded of how special their stories are in this one shot life… I will be there, knocking on the front door.

This is my calling & all that l have to offer.
And l feel you mum, gently guiding me and sometimes pushing me into directions that not even l understand? All l can do is close my eyes and try my hardest to feel you wrapped around me as l cry myself to sleep ~ ready for the sun to rise, to open my heart & to love the next day ~ the unknown beautiful future, all over again…

Nigh nigh everyone, sleep tight & lm know that l’m hugging you ‘ever so tightly’ from afar…
love t x

1102592_10153090994045237_417070602_o
‘Still Here’

The loss of you
had irreversibly damaged
the bones in my body,
heart in my chest &
soul beneath my skin…
August 16 .15
‘Losing You’

When you follow your heart
you will find your wings…
August 15 .15
‘Follow’

I feel you wrapped around me
~ even though
I can’t hug you back…
August 16 .15
‘Feel You’

 

 

 

 

Green Eyed Monster

I recently joined up with a very inspiring and creative group on Facebook called ‘HeARTspace’ by a wonderful artist called Jeanne Bessette. I’ve only been a part of this closed group for a few days now, and already l’m so intrigued about the words of wisdom she has to offer, along the incredible support her tribe members have for each other. I’ve definitely stumbled onto a pot of gold here, thanks to my dear like-minded friend (Lousia Hamilton from Breathe Inspirational Journal) who put me in touch with one of her friends, who then mentioned this artist ~ and here l am!
We are all truly connected, helping each other step from one stone to the next ~ and the sooner we all figure that out, then the sooner our world will be even more beautiful than we will ever imagine.

Jeanne Bessette
Jeanne Bessette

Jeanne’s mission is to help artists and creatives build their lives and businesses in a way that feeds their desire to create while living an abundant life (yes this includes money). Her HeARTspace is a part of that mission. It is designed to be a safe and loving space for growth, learning and sharing of ideas.

So as l was sifting through her posts, l found an intriguing one that l have to agree 100 %. For me it sounds logic and there is no other way – but incase you need a little reminder and some ‘get up and go’ inspiration, go grab your cuppa (or vino) and feast your eyes on this wonderful read below…
Much love, lamplighter tams x

“Today I want to talk about something that comes up a lot and since I’m in the art world..I’d say it comes up more here but I’m imagining that I am wrong and that it comes up everywhere….
Envy
This seemingly tiny and harmless word can create total havoc for you and frankly those who you are envious of. It’s an energy source like any other and it will rot your heart in the end…yeah..that’s a graphic display of wording I know…
Here’s what envy really is… It’s the feeling and thoughts that someone else has something that you cannot have. Think about what you just read. It’s the thinking that you cannot have that house, that much money, that loved one, that talent. Even the slightest bit of envy is harmful.
It’s not a nice way of saying jealous… it’s the same.
Envy is caustic.
It will kill any chance that you have of creating the very life you desire and deserve. Envy says you are toast, not enough, too this or that, not enough this or that to have and live the life you want.
Here’s a turn of the dial for you. Take something you think someone has…Hey why does it seem so easy for her? Why is she selling so much art? Why does she make so much money? Fuck her…O.K. that slipped into downright mean right? But the truth is..when you are envious of another you really are saying… Fuck her.

So here’s the dial turn… ask these questions instead…
How did she get there?
What did it take to have that?
How can I do that?
How many times did she do that to achieve that skill?
How can I do that?
How much money do I really want? Like really want?
How do I do that?
What do I need to know to get there?
How can I get help with knowledge I do not currently have?
What will I need to do to achieve that?
What’s next for me?

This very attitude of curiosity has gotten me this far..I’ve never been an envious person… I’ve been a curious person… and I “chase people”. This is a tool I’ve used for years and I share with folks in my retreats… I’ve found successful people everywhere in anything I wanted to do for myself and learned from them… Still do it….
Find that person you are the slightest bit envious of when you sit and admit to yourself that it is really there (this is tough cuz we never want to admit envy). It’s a dirty word… Make a list of those folks… then ask… the new questions. Then decide what it’s going to take to have what you want and start that journey. Live your own life…learn from others who have what you want.
Not enough money? Not enough notoriety? Not enough anything? Study those who have paved the road before you… Start with mindset… You are not less than…you are not incapable of…you are uniquely qualified to live your best life.

Oprah Winfrey was not raised by her mother, she was raped by a family member and grew up being told she was ugly, she was black and dirt poor. She was told she was too ugly and black to be on television..oh and too emotional to be a reporter… Walt Disney was told he had no imagination (truth) Lucille Ball was told she was too loud and not funny… right?
The list goes on and on. Get close to the people who have something that looks appealing to you and ask them…what did it take? What did they do? How did they change their minds?
Stop the envy and start the journey. Envy is stopping you from your beautiful life on a million levels.
Rant over. Drops mic.”

~ Jeanne Besette

name all the things…

I stumbled across these beautiful words a few days ago that really hit home.
And believe it or not, after reading the first 2 lines ~ naming myself didn’t even cross my mind… 🙁

So this month lm dedicating this beautiful quote to myself (to whom l don’t know who to credit for), to be a little more gentle to myself and to try, with an open heart, to add my name to that list!
I highly recommend that you have a little think about that also…
Much love,
lamplighter t x

2 years…

Mum ~ with all of her babies...Still feels like yesterday mum… 2 years today and our world just isn’t the same. Love you so much mum, even the clouds haven’t stopped crying today…
love me xxx

& with all of our tears,
hearts and thoughts combined
~ there still isn’t enough
words to say how
much we miss you…  June 18 .15

‘Isn’t Enough’

Mum ~ 2 years today

       Mum ~ 2 years today